i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
