i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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