We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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