i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
