A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
