"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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