Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
