Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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