if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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