I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
