You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
