She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
