This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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