I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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