I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
