I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
