I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
