Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
