i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
two words: eviction party
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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