Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
