you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
