I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
