Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
