Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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