you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
