I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize