hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You are the jesus of drinking
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
