I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
