when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
