Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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