I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
