too bad you live with your parents still
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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