Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
