When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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