You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
