Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
