We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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