dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
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