My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
two words...techno handjob
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
