he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
