Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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