Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
