What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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