remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
