i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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