Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
