ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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