I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
