i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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