Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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