new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
