you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
