she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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