Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
