I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
