you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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