just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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