Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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