Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
