True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
