3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
