Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
